When Bad Things Happen to Good Relationships

Conflict occurs over things you least expect. Here's what you can do.

One of our family scrapbooks contains a note written many years ago by our daughter's best friend, Cindy. It was written when the girls were both 8 years old and inseparable. They walked to school together every morning, enjoyed frequent sleepovers, and consulted one another on homework assignments each night.

Then one day a tiny incident stressed their friendship. Our daughter, becoming impatient when Cindy would not walk fast enough on the way to school, called her a slowpoke.

It was impulsive, a bad choice of words. One can only guess what it may have meant to Cindy. At any rate there was instant enmity between the girls. That evening there was no collaboration on homework. An upcoming sleepover was canceled. And the following morning the girls walked to school by different routes.

A day later a note, the one in our scrapbook, came in the mail. Addressed to our daughter, it read: "You called me a slowpoke, and I am angry at you. Your no longer friend, Cindy." Could Cindy have been more specific? The issue, her feelings, the altered status of the relationship: all clearly defined in two sentences.

The separation lasted, at most, one more day. When both girls realized how much they missed each other, they offered mutual "sorrys" (one for walking too slow, the other for using the epithet slowpoke) and resumed their friendship. Soon, it was as if nothing had come between them.

Yet something had happened; something had been learned. One girl had become aware of the importance of guarding her tongue lest an errant word hurt another's feelings. And the other learned not to overreact in a heated moment. Valuable lessons. If remembered, the "learnings" might save both of them in many of the inevitable quarrels they would experience in the future.

I recall wishing at the time that it would be nice if some of the adults in our church could deal with their prickly issues as clearly, as quickly, and as completely as the two girls had done. And what I wished for my congregation, I also wished for myself. In the field of human conflict, I was far from a genius.

Article by Gordon MacDonald - This excerpt was taken from Christianity Today, to read the entire article click here: http://www.christianitytoday.com/le/2011/winter/badthingsgood.html

Gordon MacDonald is coming to Australia!

Gordon MacDonald will be coming to Australia late March/early April to host Below the Waterline, a Team Leadership Seminar in Brisbane, Melbourne and Adelaide. Check out our website for details.

Your Regular Checkup - If a "physical" is important, so is a "spiritual"

My doctor's scheduler called several weeks ago and said it was time for my annual physical.

"Are you talking a whole-nine-yards physical?" I asked.

"Actually, ten yards," she responded.

A day or so later my dentist's scheduler called to say it was time for an annual check- up on my teeth.

I know I'm supposed to be thankful for both of these examinations, but the truth is that I'm not … until they're over. Why?

Well, how about the loss-of-dignity issue when they put you in that paper gown? Then there's that moment of realization when you know that they know you haven't kept all the promises you made during last year's examination (dropping a few pounds and flossing every day). Finally, and more seriously, there's always the chance that you'll hear bad news: a needed surgical procedure or a root canal.

Still, a wise person heeds the scheduler's summons and shows up at the appointed hour.

(this except was taken from Christianity Today - to read the entire article click here: http://www.christianitytoday.com/le/thepastor/soulspirit/yourregularcheckup.html)

Gordon MacDonald is an author, speaker, and teacher. He was a pastor for more than 35 years, and holds the title of Pastor Emeritus at Grace Chapel in Lexington, Massachusetts, where he most recently served as senior minister. Gordon has written more than a dozen books and co-authored others with his wife, Gail. Ordering Your Private World, which won the Gold Medallion Award, has more than 1.5 million copies in print. His book, A Resilient Life, was heralded ‘a classic, riveting read’ by Publishers Weekly. Gordon serves as an Editor-at-Large with Leadership Journal. He is also Chairman of the Board of World Relief Corporation. He and Gail live in Canterbury, New Hampshire and have two children and five grandchildren.